Skip to main content

tv   Jimmy Kimmel Live  ABC  May 3, 2011 12:00am-1:05am PDT

12:00 am
12:01 am
right now, somewhere on planet earth, a u.s. navy s.e.a.l. is walking around thinking, i just shot osama bin laden in the face. well, that's what atlanta correspondent jeffrey goldberg tweeted earlier today. but who are the members the elite navy s.e.a.l.s team 6 and what do we know about the history and culture of this secretive military unit? here's chris cuomo. >> reporter: what does it take to climb out of a helicopter, assault a compound, double-tap osama bin laden, and be back in time for breakfast? >> they were able to hit arguably one of the most hidden and perhaps even furiously protected men on the planet. and 40 minutes later, they were gone. >> reporter: and what kind of hero does all that and then prefers to remain entirely anonymous?
12:02 am
>> basically what was in their mind is just taking care of business. no thoughts of personal conquest. or gore are you glory. just getting in there, taking care of business and getting themselves out alive. >> reporter: answer, the navy s.e.a.l.s known as team 6. s.e.a.l. stands for sea, air, land. as in, they tom nate any combat environment. they are the elite of the elite in the american military. but if you think they look and act like charlie sheen in the hollywood version, think again. >> nothing is the way you see it in the movies. chest thumping and being the bad really tough macho guys. most of the time that's not the case. the personality profile is more laid back. and driven and quiet. >> reporter: s.e.a.l. team 6 was created in 1980 by this navy commander after a failed attempt to rescue the american hostages in iran. in the wake of that embarrassing
12:03 am
disaster, marcinko hand-picked a team that would be devoted specifically to counterterrorism operations. >> i mean, it's a self-contained unit that can go anyplace in the world and literally do nothing but kick ass. >> reporter: since then the team has been involved in operations all over the world. from grenada to somalia to bosnia. recently, s.e.a.l. snipers took out those pirates who boarded the "marsk alabama." not exactly shooting fish in a barrel. >> you have the wave action. you have the ship they're riding in, moving, bobbing like a cork. now you're still trying to do a head shot. not just a head shot but you do it through a porthole or a window. >> reporter: the process of becoming a s.e.a.l. is one of the most intense and costly training regimens a human being can go through. >> you got some kind of problem? huh? walk it off.
12:04 am
>> reporter: it takes two more years before these guys can call themselves s.e.a.l.s. and years of experience in the field before they can join the elite squad known as team 6. >> by the time you get to 6 and you go through that saturation training, you're either going to overcome any weak points you have in any of those disciplines or you'll wash out and say you're a good s.e.a.l. but you're not good enough for this. >> reporter: their soldiering skills are practically honed into superpowers. they can descend from 11 miles up into desert climate without losing consciousness. after all that, they can fire a weapon with pinpoint precision, killing terrorists but not hostages. yesterday's interdiction will probably go down as team 6's greatest triumph. but according to former commander chuck farr, this kind of operation, an air assault against a high-value target, is just another day at the office. >> i think every s.e.a.l. on the ground will tell you this is an
12:05 am
operation that they have conducted thousands and maybe 10,000 times. it's -- it was one that they're definitely playing for keeps and this one was for all the marbles. >> that is some routine. those guys are heroes. next up, osama bin laden had apparently lived for years within a thousand feet of pakistan's top military academy. so did they know he was there?
12:06 am
12:07 am
the late osama bin laden had a huge impact around the world and on american politics. well, today, the tone of that debate seems to have changed. >> that's right, terry, keeping with the unified tone of the day, sarah palin had a few words
12:08 am
of praise for president obama's decisive leadership and one of the president's harshest critics, former vice president dick cheney, offered kudos in an exclusive interview with our own jonathan karl. >> the administration deserves credit for the success of the operation. from the perspective of the president, he's got to make the basic judgment to tell the force to go execute in this case the raid. wrestle is deciding is this good enough intelligence, can we act on it? and from what i can tell, it lacks to me like, you know, we all owe him some sense of satisfaction that -- >> of course, cheney was there at the beginning of the so-called global war on terror and now that bin laden is buried at sea, it's valid to wonder how soon american troops in afghanistan will get their lives back. the draw-down is supposed to
12:09 am
begin in july. how large and how fast may depend less on afghanistan and more on the country right next door, pakistan, which tonight critics say may be the most dangerous and dysfunctional ally we've ever had. almost a decade now. every firefight. american troops have wondered if they're one bullet closer to completing this mission. we were with them early last year in the mountains of afghanistan, right near the pakistan border. [ gunfire ] of course, they just gave up the high ground. the firefight came at dawn. after hours of shooting, someone jokingly wondered aloud if osama bin laden had been calling the shots. if only we knew then he wasn't hiding in some cave up here. but had spent years living down there. 90 miles from pakistan's
12:10 am
capital. a thousand feet from pakistan's premier military academy. living among the very people who insisted that he was somewhere in the wilds of waziristan. they were half right. because according to a former ambassador, bin laden's neighbors had a sarcastic nickname for his million dollar compound. >> they called it waziristan. certainly is suspicious. you know, in this small pakistani city, everybody knows everybody. so it's inconceivable to me that there wasn't a lot of suspicion about this large palace. >> reporter: another former ambassador had her own suspicions of this ally which has taken millions in american aid. ann patterson's wikileak diplomatic cable from 2009 reads pakistani army and intelligence agency covertly sponsoring four militant groups, including al qaeda, and will not abandon them for any amount of u.s. money. which may be why pakistan was not informed of this mission. in fact, there was real fear that clueless pakistani fighter
12:11 am
jets might try to shoot down the navy s.e.a.l.s. >> we were watching and making sure that our people and our aircraft were able to get out of pakistani airspace and thankfully there was no engagement of pakistani forces. >> reporter: what does it say about our relationship with pakistan that we give them billions to buy their help in counterterrorism but we don't trust them on the biggest counterterrorism mission? >> well, sounds to me like we were right not to trust them. either they knew about the fact he was in that compound and it's hard to believe they didn't and they didn't act on it. or if they didn't know, it raises fundamental questions about competence. >> reporter: this doctor says this mission proves that with friends like pakistan we don't need enemies. >> pakistanis have at least 100 nuclear weapons along with terrorism. it's one of the two main reasons we care about that country. i don't think we should trust them. our goal there is to see that pakistan does not fail. even though there's a veneer of
12:12 am
civilian control, the real authority at the end of the day in pakistan is the army. this is not a country with an army. it's an army with a country. >> reporter: can we work with them if we don't have 100,000 guns right next door? >> sure. this relationship has never been smooth. this is a relationship based on the opposite of trust. this is a relationship based on mistrust. >> reporter: former pakistani president pervez musharraf voiced some embarrassment today that bin laden had been hiding under their noses. >> i would say it is certainly -- it is an intelligence failure. >> reporter: but in talking to diane sawyer, he was also defensive. >> but any exertions that they knew about him and -- that he was staying there, this is absolutely wrong. >> reporter: this episode, the experts say, will only drive a deeper wedge between the two countries. some in congress are already calling for the u.s. to cut off all aid to pakistan. president obama shows no sign of
12:13 am
dialing back the predator drone program, which has taken out dozens of high-value targets but only inflamed the white-hot hatred of america here. as for those soldiers up on the af/pat border, there was such a steady stream of fighters coming over from pakistan, all their nation-building work unravelled. the commander recently decided america should leave this valley as all troops prepare for a broader draw-down. >> i can't imagine a successful scenario with a total withdrawal from afghanistan. that would almost be history repeating itself. >> reporter: dr. haass is among those who say the sooner we leave entirely the better. could this have happened if we weren't in afghanistan? could this global war be fought with drones and s.e.a.l.s? >> it can largely be fought with drones and s.e.a.l.s. the last time we asked afghanistanis to get osama bin laden, he got away, it was at
12:14 am
tora bora. we have to do it independently, we have to do it ourselves. >> ahead, some the big questions. how this will affect things going four in that region. e the. love those jeans. $175. ch-ching! excuse me? ever consider showing your customers what other stores charge for jeans? um...no. when it comes to car insurance, progressive direct does. i saved hundreds when switching. that's a lot. the jeans are skinny. the savings... are fat. out there with a better way. now, that's progressive. [ female announcer ] no time to plan? there's still time to whiten. introducing crest whitestrips 2-hour express. now, in just two hours you can have a noticeably whiter smile. two hour whitestrips from crest. life opens up when you do.
12:15 am
♪ [ male announcer ] try fixodent with a time-released formula. use just once per day for dawn-to-dark hold. it is important to use the product as directed. while i took refuge from the pollen that made me sneeze. but with 24-hour zyrtec®, i get prescription strength relief from my worst allergy symptoms. so lily and i are back on the road again. with zyrtec® i can love the air®. let's do this. you're a little early!
12:16 am
[ female announcer ] prepare to ace your dental check-up. fight plaque and gingivitis and invigorate your way to better check-ups. new crest pro-health invigorating clean rinse. ♪ ♪ membership rewards points from american express. they're a social currency with endless possibilities.
12:17 am
we're going to draw on the expertise of christiane amanpour who spent so much time reporting on the region of osama bin laden's demise. i wonder how you think the events of last night might shape america's involvement going forward over there. >> well, it's a vexing conen drum. on the one hand, leaders around the arab and muslim world are
12:18 am
praising the death of bin laden, saying he was one of the principal sources of violence in the region but they're saying now that he's gone the united states should get out of afghanistan. on the other hand, being, the taliban is still there fighting the united states. and the u.s. is now involved in that and try to push it towards a success. >> what might a bin laden-less al qaeda look like? >> here's the thing, in the years in which he was hiding, he was becoming obviously less visible and also less of an operator and organizer for al qaeda. but splinter groups have opened up. one of the most powerful being in yemen with this anwar al awlaki whose most famous protegee was the near christmas day airline bomber, the underwear bomber, that didn't work, but nonetheless, they're still out there. the real issue here that osama bin laden is gone is that the head of the snake has been decapitated, as the administration says. this is how america came to know osama bin laden.
12:19 am
here on these tapes was the face of terror. but before those videos made him famous, his acts of violence made him infamous. a devote young muslim, he left a life of wealth and privilege in his native saudi arabia to fight the soviet invasion of afghanistan during the '80s as a member of the american-backed mujahadin. >> he was, you know, a hero because of these pictures of himself traipsing through the mountains of afghanistan. and that's the kind of mythology that really allowed osama bin laden to get this greater than human existence that he's had in the muslim community. >> osama bin laden decided that the muslim world should be rid of all western influence. and turned into a religious state. so he founded al qaeda, which means the base. the group trained, funded and deployed young jihadis to islamic struggles around the
12:20 am
globe. his plan was to do to america what jihadis had done to the soviets. in 1993, an truck bomb exploded at the world trade center, killing six people and injuring thousands more. it was the first act of middle eastern terror on u.s. soil. and it shocked this nation. the men convicted for the attack had trained with al qaeda. in 1998, sim trainio iosimultans ripped through embassies in africa, killing hundreds. now on the fbi's most wanted list, bin laden was also carefully cultivating his own image as an islamic underdog taking on the imperialist superpower. >> i think a lot muslims in the modern day still live under the shadow of colonialism and this is a man who didn't seem intimidated by the west. >> in an interview with then abc
12:21 am
correspondent john miller, bin laden made clear he now considered his old ally, the united states, his greatest foe. >> the american people by and large don't know the name bin laden. but they soon likely will. do you have a message for the american people? >> translator: we do not differentiate between those dressed in military uniforms and civilians. they are all targets. >> his goal, to drive the united states out of the region. in 2000, two suicide bombers steer their small boat up to the "uss cole" in yemen. >> we will find you and justice will prevail. >> but bin laden seemed untouchable. even after president clinton launched cruise missiles against him. undeterred, he began plotting an attack so massive that it would shake the world. bin laden proudly claimed credit. >> translator: i was thinking that the fire from the gas in
12:22 am
the plane would melt the iron structure of the building and collapse the area where the plane hit and all the floors above it only. this is all that we had hoped for. >> the focus right now is on osama bin laden, no question about it, he's the prime suspect. >> by december of 2001, american forces in afghanistan had cornered bin laden in the rugged mountains of tora bora. but with too few american boots on the ground, he eluded capture and again his legend and his violence grew. while in hiding, bin laden continued to incite jihadi operations around the globe. but with each year that passed, he grew less visible and, one by one, his top lieutenants were killed or captured. and in the last five years, there's been no major attack on u.s. interests. and by the beginning of this
12:23 am
year, after years of arab anger in the streets, burning american flags, something big had changed across the muslim world. the people we met in tahrir square in cairo were not talking to us of bin laden and jihad as they rose up against their dictator. they were talking of democracy and freedom. it seems that osama bin laden's eye deonly we odeideology was d before he did. all across the muslim world in a recent pew poll, it's clear that osama bin laden's popularity has been plummeting since the mid2,000s. bill. >> christiane, thanks. next, he was the mayor who brought a city together. ♪ [ male announcer ] the davis twins... ...are alike in nearly every way... ...right down to brushing their teeth. so how did only one get gingivitis?
12:24 am
well, one in two people do. so i told karen about new crest pro-health clinical gum protection toothpaste. it helps eliminate plaque at the gumline, helping prevent gingivitis. it's even clinically proven to help reverse it in just 4 weeks. and it protects these other areas dentists check most. looks like the twins are even again. new crest pro-health clinical toothpaste. life opens up when you do. took some crazy risks as a kid. but i was still over the edge with my cholesterol. anyone with high cholesterol may be at increased risk of heart attack. diet and exercise weren't enough for me. i stopped kidding myself. i've been eating healthier, exercising more, and now i'm also taking lipitor. if you've been kidding yourself about high cholesterol...stop. 80% of people who have had heart attacks have high cholesterol.
12:25 am
lipitor is a cholesterol lowering medication, fda approved to reduce the risk of heart attack and stroke in patients who have heart disease or risk factors for heart disease. [ female announcer ] lipitor is not for everyone, including people with liver problems and women who are nursing, pregnant or may become pregnant. you need simple blood tests to check for liver problems. tell your doctor if you are taking other medications or if you have any muscle pain or weakness. this may be a sign of a rare but serious side effect. great ride down. if you have high cholesterol, you may be at increased risk of heart attack and stroke. don't kid yourself. talk to your doctor about your risk and about lipitor. delicious, real ingredients with naturals from purina cat chow. share a better life.
12:26 am
12:27 am
finally tonight, for a time, he was known as america's mayor. rudy giuliani seemed to be everywhere in the wake of 9/11. in his hard hat. with his bull horn. and his words of comfort. we sat down with him earlier today. >> we're going to foil the desires of these cowards that attacked us. >> reporter: with the world's eyes fastened on lower manhattan, it was rudy giuliani who stood up and vowed osama bin laden would not bring the city to its knees. >> i feel a great deal of relief and a great deal of satisfaction but it was a little uncomfortable watching all the celebrations. because nothing's going to bring the people back who died. and this is not the end yet.
12:28 am
this is a good step. a really strong step. in dismantling terrorism. but it's not the final step. we might have to experience a period of danger before we see the real benefits from this. >> do you think this city is in power once again? >> sure, sure. you can't be -- you'd be foolish to ignore that. the reality is this was a very charismatic leader for all the wrong reasons. so his death at american hands is going to mean a lot of people are going to be angry. we had no choice. i think the president made the right decision. i was very proud of him and all the americans who carried this out. this took a lot of courage to do it this way. >> was this important for american foreign policy? >> absolutely, critical for it. i think that it -- although it creates danger in the short run for us because of the repercussions. long term, this is a big step. he was a symbol but symbols are important and he was a very special symbol.
12:29 am
>> i'm fascinated that the secretary of state clinton called you today. >> yeah, she was very kind to call me. she said she wanted to hear my voice. we spent a lot of time working together after september 11th. maybe this is time to remind ourselves there are more things more important than partisan politics. the defense of this country is, our national security is. i think this is a great day for our last two presidents, for president bush and president obama. president bush started this, stuck with it against a lot of criticism. redeveloped our intelligence efforts. started a lot of these programs. president obama improved on them. got the job done. i think the two of them should probably have a little drink together at some point. congratulate each other. >> we'll see if that happens. thanks for watching abc news. we hope you'll watch "good morning america" in the morning. they'll have more details on this developing story. meanwhile, from terry, from bill, from all of us at abc news, thanks for watching. until tomorrow, good night,
12:30 am
america. >> announcer: up next on an all new jimmy kimmel live. >> i would like >> announcer: up next on an all new jimmy kimmel live. >> i would like us to kill osama bin laden every sunday night. it makes for a much brighter start to the week for me. >> renee russo. >> my first love scene with michael keaton. looks at me and says, i'm sorry if i do and i'm sorry if i don't. >> kristin gore. and music from k.d. lang. and the sis boom bang. >> i just want to point out, buried at sea means dumped in the ocean.
12:31 am
12:32 am
>> jimmy: hi, i'm jimmy kimmel with t-mobile's new android-powered sidekick 4g by samsung -- the smartphone on america's largest 4g network that pays tribute to its heritage with stylish good looks and a killer keyboard. the sidekick 4g is redefining messaging and i'll show you how. we're about to play the old game of 'telephone' with guillermo, yehya, my uncle frank, and some members of our studio audience. and i'm going to do -- i'm going to whisper a sentence into guillermo's ear and then he's going to pass it. okay? all right, guillermo, the sentence is -- you got it?
12:33 am
okay. now while guillermo passes that on, i'm going to type it into my sidekick. >> who? again? >> jimmy: i will tell you this is not a who question. all right. and uncle frank, tell us what the sentence was. and then i will text it to you. >> did you have appeltino last night? >> jimmy: say that again. >> did you have appeltino last night? >> jimmy: the question actually
12:34 am
was -- if you hold up your sidekicks. i had albacore tuna skewers for dinner last night. oh, wow. 4g speed is faster, and even more accurate than my uncle frank. >> dicky: the new android-powered t-mobile sidekick 4g, your social life at 4g speeds. available now. >> jimmy: jimmy kimmel live is back in two minutes with kristin gore, music from k.d. lang and the siss boom bang and rene russo.
12:35 am
the 3.6-liter pentastar v6 engine in the jeep grand cherokee has a best in class driving range of more than 500 miles per tank. which means you don't have to worry about finding a gas station. which is good... because there just might not be one.
12:36 am
he was all like "oh no, i cannot do investing." next thing you know he's got a stunning portfolio. shhhh, you're welcome. [ male announcer ] e-trade. investing unleashed. >> dicky: from hollywood, it's "jimmy kimmel live"! tonight, rene russo. author kristin gore. and music from k.d. lang and the siss boom bang. with cleto and the cletones! ♪ it's jimmy kimmel live and now, great news, here's jimmy kimmel! [ cheers and applause ]
12:37 am
>> jimmy: thank you very much. welcome to the show. thank you for watching. thank you for being here. thank you, cleto. i'm glad -- i'm glad you're in a good mood. i'm in a very good mood. did you hear what happened last night? [ applause ] what an episode of "chloe yoe and lamar." apparently last night america voted and osama bin laden was eliminated from the planet earth. [ applause ] here is our president last night on live television addressing the nation. >> thank you. may god bless you. and may god bless the united states of america.
12:38 am
>> that wraps it up there. that's breaking news. president obama addressing the nation. >> jimmy: he's very happy. he came out for several encores. i would like us to kill osama bin laden every sunday night. it makes for a much brighter start to the week for me. the news spread very quickly. i think it was the first twitter death rumor that turned out true. it explains now why the royal couple postponed their honeymoon to abbottabad because of this i guess. after all the talk about caves, he turned out to be hiding in a multimillion-dollar mansion -- a a million dollar mansion in pakistan. the cia became suspicious when they learned there was a million dollar mansion in pakistan. there were details that tipped them off. the house had no phone or internext connection. surrounded by security walls. the occupants didn't put their
12:39 am
trash out, they burned it. the name on the mailbox was a tip-off too. it said al q. aeda. the red flag was a red flag too actually. all the details about how the operation went down are starting to come out. but what we don't know is who actually put the bullets in osama bin laden's skull. they keep saying we may never know. but i'm here to tell you tonight that i do know. and it was me. that's right. no, no, no. i don't -- on sunday night, i led a team of navy s.e.a.l.s into abbottabad. we traveled by helicopter under the moonless sky. we got into the compound by pretending we were there to deliver pizza. and then we stormed the mansion. there was a firefight. i kicked down the door. there was bin laden in his pajamas or maybe his regular clothes. it's hard to tell the difference. i could tell he was scared. i raised my gun. i looked him straight in the eye. i said, the tribe has spoken,
12:40 am
bitch. i fired two bullets into his head. we call that a double tap. [ applause ] but now i -- i don't know. i guess -- i guess i'm a hero. but i'll tell you, the real heroes were my team. i just led them into the -- i was just the guy in front shielding them from harm. those navy s.e.a.l.s really are heroes. i mean, never -- i mean, the bravery obviously. but could you imagine killing bin laden and then not telling anyone? i'd tell everyone. i would -- i would have told bin laden when i got there -- hey, guess what, i'm here to kill you. [ laughter ] i watched the news coverage for about six hours last night. it was kind of weird. i know they like to show something during these stories but the constant video of bin laden walking around in the desert, chatting, smiling, trying out guns. i felt like i was watching one of those videos your kids put together for your 60th birthday party. right? this is probably the biggest story of the year in the united states. it's the only story on the news. i tell you, if you're a politician looking to have a
12:41 am
little public -- today was the day. you missed it otherwise. there's been so much coverage. the details are coming so quickly that it's sometimes difficult to keep things straight. >> we understand our sister station are saying that obama was -- i'm sorry, osama -- i'm sorry -- >> he unveiled details that have never before been heard about how obama was killed -- >> so, after decades searching, federal agents discovered obama's secret location. >> back in august, they got a possible lead on where obama might be hiding. >> it was so emotional to find out that, in fact, obama -- osama bin laden had been caught. >> it started when obama took office. he corrected the head of the cia to make killing obama the number one priority. >> ladies and gentlemen, excuse me, obama is dead. i don't care -- osama bin laden is dead -- >> jimmy: yeah, yeah. good thing we got the right one
12:42 am
i guess, the military. by the way, i just want to point out, buried at sea means dumped in the ocean. that's a good -- they dumped him in the ocean. [ applause ] now i won't feel so guilty about peeing in the water when i go to the beach anymore. to avoid ruffling turbines, the burial was done with strict adherence to islamic custom. the body was taken by u.s. military ship and -- osama bin laden got his first bath in almost ten years. this could be the best shark week ever if they find that. there was celebrations all over the country. not everyone was thrilled with the news. one viewer posted this comment to the abc news website. it says, thank god he's dead. however, you could have waited 15 minutes for "brothers and sisters" to be over. you could of announced his death and then returned to the regular programming. well, he makes a good point. they could have waited.
12:43 am
but these are sacrifices winston churchill talked about. blood, sweat, tears and maybe missing a portion of "brothers and sisters" every once in a while. in new york, people gathered in times square to celebrate. people like this young man who was bursting with both patriotism and enthusiasm. >> i think now that we have him gone, i out of the picture, we should bring all the troops home, withdraw all the troops from the middle east and really concentrate on what's important. >> what is important? >> important is -- america! [ applause ] >> jimmy: that's us. that's us. we don't get bogged down in the details of what's important. meanwhile, between the death of bin laden and the marriage of kate middleton and prince william, it's an exciting time to be in the commemorative plate business, that's for sure. did you watch the royal wedding? yeah? my favorite part of the royal wedding has to be the hats. in fact, to celebrate, the royal
12:44 am
occasion, our security team is modeling some of our favorites from the wedding. beautiful hats. [ cheers and applause ] what can you tell us about these hats? >> well, we wore them at the royal wedding -- >> jimmy: you were at the royal wedding? >> sure, these were the hats we wore. >> jimmy: that's not the premise of this bit at all but that's interesting. guillermo, who made your hat? >> diego rivera. >> jimmy: is that right? diego reviv ra made that hat for you? >> a long time ago. >> jimmy: uh-huh. [ laughter ] it's how he tricked his way past immigration. [ laughter ] estimated 3 billion people watched the wedding friday morning. which i don't believe for a second. there are only 7 billion people in the world. and there were not 3 billion -- there's no way pygmies were watching that wedding. a lot of people did though. i think one of the reasons people are so interested in the
12:45 am
royal wedding is they fant size about being in one themselves. fortunately for me, i don't have to fantasize because i have a program on my computer called photoshop. i worked on this all weekend. here's what i would look like if i was in the wedding through the magic of very bad photoshop. [ laughter ] right? we'd make beautiful dukes together, that's for sure. donald trump has had a busy week. the president got sweet revenge last night, making the bin laden announcement right in the middle of "celebrity apprentice." [ applause ] which is unfortunate because nene lekes of "the real housewi housewives" and star jones really are picking up where gary busey and meat loaf left off. they were told to work together to put on a live hair show. they were working together. they weren't much of a team. >> i am working with our hairstylist. star is in the corner at the salon, working on graphics.
12:46 am
>> each one gets a logo at the top of the board, okay? >> sure. >> and i thought you got latoya out of here, bitch, if you get me out of here, it won't be before i let mr. trump know how durt dirty and no good you are. you evil fat lady. you might have lost weight on the outside but your brain is still very fat. and some things -- [ applause ] >> jimmy: i never heard of someone calling someone's brain fat before. you're hired. that's it. it's over. once she's done with "celebrity apprentice" maybe we'll get star jones' brain on "celebrity fit club." there's so much footage of star and nene fighting. we took the audio from one of fights and we combined it with video from "my little pony." >> you talk a good game. now bring your street game miss i'm so educated. how educated are you on the street? now, where's barbara walters? >> i don't do threats. >> don't you ever play me like that.
12:47 am
ever. >> what are you accusing me of? >> when did you start caring about friendship? >> what are you talking about? >> shut the [ bleep ] up. >> can you at least tell me that. >> park ass bitch. [ applause ] >> jimmy: so an ass an actually a mule. an orange pony curses out a white one, is that a hate crime? look, now, which are these hats? do they have names? >> this is the royal hat. >> jimmy: oh, the royal hat. guillermo, what's your hat called? >> the same. >> jimmy: okay, both royal hats. by the way, i should point out that on the same night obama was ordering the navy to kill osama bin laden, his potential opponent in 2012 was busy firing playmate of the month hope. here's what obama and trump were up to last night. feel free to compare and contrast. >> good evening. >> good morning. >> good morning. >> the united states has conducted an operation that
12:48 am
killed osama bin laden the leader of al qaeda. >> celebrities like looking good. do we agree? >> after a firefight, they killed osama bin laden and took custody of his body. >> what's the most important part of looking good? in my opinion, hair. >> we went to war against al qaeda. to protect our citizens, our friends and our allies. >> you pressed the last button in me, miss star jones. i will do you when the rest of these girls won't. >> wow. >> wow. >> wow. >> we will be relentless in defense of our citizens. >> nice pants. >> why thank you. >> justice has been done. >> hope, you're fired. >> jimmy: now there you go. [ applause ] the obamas were on oprah today as part of a special men i love and the wives who tag along
12:49 am
uninvited. unfortunately for oprah, the interview was taped last week. she did not know about the strike on bin laden. obama should have told her in advance. that's not right. you've got to clear that kind of stuff with oprah. either way, osama bin laden is dead. but his story will never be forgotten. thanks to this major motion picture -- did i say picker? who cares? roll the tape. >> may 1st, 2011, an american navy s.e.a.l. team converges on a compound in pakistan. their target, osama bin laden. >> target is down. repeat, target is down. >> they are ordered to bury him at sea. but not before he has one last day in the sun. weekend at bin laden's. coming this summer. >> jimmy: all right. we got a good show tonight. author kristin gore is with us. music from k.d. lang and the sis
12:50 am
boom bang. and we'll be right back with rene russo so stick around. ♪ only you ♪ ♪ only you ♪ ♪ only you ♪ ♪ is all i see of you
12:51 am
and we've been listening for more than 55 years. to customers and employees. in fact, it was an enterprise employee who came up with the idea of picking you up when you need to rent a car. it was a great idea. at your house. at the repair shop. we'll pick you up. wherever you need us. we'll be there. listening. let us show you what that means. [ male announcer ] pick enterprise. we'll pick you up®. be so nice? [ male announcer ] new i can't believe it's not butter whipped and creamy taste. mmmm. [ male announcer ] light yet velvety with 50% fewer calories than butter. naughty but nice... just my type. [ male announcer ] new whipped and creamy taste. naughty but nice... just my type. looif i'll finally get the can fecoverage my family deserves. if it's something we can afford. to steer clear of the confusion, go to metlife.com in less than 5 minutes, you'll get straight answers. like how much life insurance
12:52 am
you really need and how much it costs. so, no matter where you end up buying, you'll make the best decision for your family. get guarantees for the if in life. from metlife. call 1-888-metlife for your free quote with no pressure or obligation.
12:53 am
eeeeeeeeeeeetwizzlers.eeeeeeeeee the twist you can't resist. ♪ whatever lola wants ♪ ♪ lola gets ♪ and, little man, little lola wants you ♪ [ cellphone dings ] [ cellphones ringing ]
12:54 am
[ memen screaming ] ♪ make up your mind to have one diet pepsi, please. ♪ no regrets ahh. ♪ what's going on over there? ♪ >> jimmy: welcome back. tonight on the show, we have quite a show for you. former vice daughter and author of this novel. kristin gore is with us. i'm not going to tell you who her father is but -- and then with music from -- this is her new album. it's called "sing it loud." k.d. lang and the siss boom bang. tomorrow night, we'll be joined by sir anthony hopkins. andre agassi. and the latest castoff from "dancing with the stars" will
12:55 am
join us. and later this week from the movie bridesmaids, ellie temper. the national school scrabble champions who i will play and conquer at their own game. from "more," director kenneth branagh. so join us all this week. after a six-year-long vacation from acting, our first guest tonight returns to the big screen in grandiose fashion. as frigga, the queen of asgard and mother of thor. she bought him his first wiffle hammer, "thor" in 3d opens in theaters friday, please say hello to rene russo. how's it going? >> hi. i like it because your audience is close. okay, can i just say how much i love your family? >> jimmy: oh, thank you.
12:56 am
>> i love uncle frank. i got to meet sal. i met mickey. this is like a place you'd want to stay. if i didn't have to go to -- i know you probably -- >> jimmy: you're more than welcome. in fact, you can have most of my family. >> i have most of your family. you're italian and german, right? >> jimmy: i'm italian and german-irish, right. you like your family? do they work with you ever? >> i do -- ever? once -- i recently for thanksgiving stood up and said, okay, i've had it, if you come to my house for thanksgiving and you act this way again, i'm never cooking again. so they're all crazy. >> jimmy: was this during grace? [ laughter ] >> no, it was after grace. >> jimmy: it was, really? it was a family intervention? and have people been better behached like at christmas? >> no. >> jimmy: were things better than they were -- >> no, no. >> jimmy: what are you going to do? >> i love your family. >> jimmy: well, you know, they're fun. they're a lot of fun too.
12:57 am
does your family drink? is that part of the problem with -- >> you know, actually no, they don't drink. >> jimmy: they don't? >> no, they don't drink. >> jimmy: mine doesn't drink much either. i can only imagine what would happen if they did. >> yeah? no, that's exactly right. >> jimmy: so they're just flawed in general then, huh? >> oh, yeah. >> jimmy: it's the fighting that is most bothersome, right? >> they just bitch all the time. i mean, it's just like -- and then my friends are there. none of my friends lake each other. i think because they're these huge personalities and they don't get along. >> jimmy: really -- they're jealous -- maybe they're so possessive -- >> they're so possessive and jealous of each other, no, they are. and my daughter says, mom, i said this year it's going to be quiet. she said really? she said, you mean everyone's not coming? look, get -- i won't say it, get so-and-so and so-and-so together please. >> jimmy: she wants the fight? >> she wants it. >> jimmy: i like the fighting. >> it's a thing. >> jimmy: i start the fighting. >> you do? >> jimmy: i videotape the
12:58 am
fighting. i then recount fighting for years and years to come. >> exactly, exactly. >> jimmy: the fighting's a lot of fun for me. my mother doesn't like the fighting. but everybody gets a little something. >> oh, yeah, definitely. >> jimmy: well, that's great. i'm glad you got to meet everybody. i do have cousins and all -- i know you got the big premiere across the street. the whole road is closed off. >> hate it, hate it, hate it. >> jimmy: you hate going to the premiere? >> i hate it. >> jimmy: why do you hate it? >> honestly, because i can't walk in heels. you've got to like keep your stomach in. >> jimmy: okay. >> it's like -- it's horrible. and then you go in, if you can walk in your heels -- that's why i have flats on. i just sit down. when the lights go down, i leave. >> jimmy: oh, really? so you don't want to see the movie? >> absolutely not. >> jimmy: you don't like -- [ laughter ] no, it's horrible. >> jimmy: is it just a thing about --
12:59 am
[ applause ] it's a hell of a promotion. >> yeah. >> jimmy: you don't like to see yourself on camera? >> no, i don't. >> jimmy: do you ever see any of your movies? >> no. >> jimmy: really? >> actually, one time a director begged me. said, please, you're to the premiere. i said, this is so horrible. i went. i was pretty much cut out of the film. i really was. i thought, oh this is a good scene coming. that scene wasn't there. then the next scene wasn't there. so that was -- i mean, it was probably good i didn't have to look at myself. >> jimmy: you're not happy either way. either you're in the film -- >> if i'm in it -- i just imagine what i look like. i just imagine it. >> jimmy: really? you never see any of these movies? >> never. >> jimmy: that's interesting. you work so hard on something and never get to enjoy the fruits of that labor. >> well, i enjoyed it while i was -- well -- not totally but -- >> jimmy: that's probably better -- well, working with anthony hopkins must have been fun or maybe it wasn't. >> he is amazing. no, i love him. >> jimmy: he seems like a great guy and a lot of fun. >> you have him tomorrow, right? >> jimmy: he's going to be here tomorrow, yeah.
1:00 am
>> i was completely -- i was so nervous. i worked with him one time before. was really nervous working with him. you know, it was -- the costumes and the british accent and he looking like, you know, moses and this unbelievable, unbelievable room and i think he could tell it was a scene that we had to do after 15 hours, real dramatic scene, like he banished my son to earth and i have to do this lake cike cryin major scene. he could tell i was nervous. he said, sit down. a francis can monk once told me the greatest prayer is [ bleep ] it, [ bleep ] it, [ bleep ] it. [ laughter ] i mean, that's how great he is! [ applause ] he's great. and i loved him for that. so the entire movie, he'd look at me before a scene. [ bleep ] it. that's what he'd say to me. he's such a great guy. >> jimmy: that is not behavior i would expect from a knight. >> i know. from god, no.
1:01 am
>> jimmy: now, you were he-- gr up here in los angeles. >> yes. >> jimmy: where did you grow up? >> i grew up in burbank. i recently found out i was conceived a block from roscoe's chicken and waffles. >> jimmy: really? >> i was taking my mom to dinner there. she goes, oh, that's where you were conceived. it's a true story. crazy. my mom. i said, mom, why didn't you tell me that? and she said, well, i don't know. then i started thinking, well, i never asked. i started calling friend. do you know where you were conceived? >> jimmy: me? >> uh-huh. >> jimmy: no. >> how many people know where they were conceived? >> jimmy: i was conceived in a major. where were you conceived? [ inaudible ] in a trailer? >> in a trailer. >> jimmy: oh, i'm sorry. i was definitely not conceived in a trailer. >> i was in the army so --
1:02 am
>> jimmy: in an army trailer? >> no, it was a little trailer. >> jimmy: was it moving? >> well, yeah, so keep on walking. >> jimmy: well, that's -- i would never ask my parents because i don't want to know. i do know this, you may find this interesting, my birthday is november 13th. my sister's is november 14th. which is exactly 9 months and one day short of 9 months from valentine's day. so i believe my parents only did that maybe once a year. when it was appropriate. when god and hallmark wanted them to. >> that's good. that's good. >> jimmy: so, and -- she wasn't conceived actually -- >> in this -- >> jimmy: in the restaurant? >> not in the restaurant. in this little room. i called my friend, do you know where you were conceived? people don't want to talk about it. >> jimmy: thinking about your parents having sex there are better things -- >> to think about? i'm kind of interested now. where did your little spirit come in?
1:03 am
>> jimmy: roscoe's chicken and waffles. you can't think of a better place. we'll take a quick break. rene russo is with us. "thor" opens in theaters friday. that's going to go right in your glove. ohhh. oh. see that? great job. ok, now let's get ready for the ball... here it comes... here you go. good catch. perfect! alright now for the best part. let's see your pour. ohhh...let's get those in the bowl. these are way too good to waste, right? oh, yea. let's go for it... around the bowl and... [ male announcer ] share what you love... with who you love. mmmmm. kellogg's frosted flakes... they're g-r-r-reat! good catch dad. [ laughs ]
1:04 am
bolt that burrito. no matter what life throws at you, you can take the heat. until it turns into... heartburn. good thing you've got what it takes to beat that heat, too. zantac. it's strong, just one pill can knock out the burn. it's fast, the speed you need for heartburn relief. and it lasts, up to 12 hours. so let them turn up the heat. you can stop that heartburn cold: (sssssssss!!!) zantac. ♪give me land lots of land ♪under starry skies above ♪don't fence me in ♪let me ride through the wide open country♪

53 Views

info Stream Only

Uploaded by TV Archive on